-25 JUNE, 3:58:57a.m. -(被波波的吠&哀鳴聲吵醒了…)
[這blog, 差不多完全被我忽略了|||]
exam終於過去了…卻沒有之前所想的high..
[部分是因為發生了些"不愉快事件"而不太high得起]
而另一大部分卻是已預計到自己的成績應該要留班, 實在不知道下一年怎辦……
要跟朋友們說再見呢……………….
最怕沒朋友的我,因為自己的關係便要失去自己最珍惜的東西了。
真的,為了你們,我可以犧牲很多；
我不可失去生活的動力啊。。。。。。
without you guys, i may be dead already.
i'm born this easily affected, i'm born this fussy, stupid, uncute, always unhappy…,
is the support from YOU GUYS(you know who you, and you, and you, and you…, are) that helped my through all the pain, anger, unhappiness…
you guys are like my support system: each and every day, you guys share my joy and pain: i share with you guys everything -even things that i didn't record down on my diary and things that i didn't even told my mother- and i believe (or i likes to believe) that you guys sometimes know ME better coz a lot of times i don't even know myself.
i love you guys. i truly do. i swear.
it's when you love someone so much that sometimes,
you feel like calling her after she departs from the MTR platform for a nanosecond-"damnit WHY didn't you just pick up the stupid phone man!!"-;
you feel like telling her each and every thing that happened, even things like what you're ate for lunch, how many hours you've slept, the way you make your hair, the lunatic family you have….;
you feel like hugging her tightly whenever she looks depressed to you;
you feel like hugging her even when she is NOT depressed. she looks like she "need a hug" but actually, you just want to hug her for no reason- you believe that she is too good to be true, too good to be your friend, too good to be the one who talks with you on the phone til 3a.m.;
you feel like forcefeeding her because you've just studied the symtoms of an anorexia nervosa pateint, and she got like, 3 out of 10 symtoms;
you're worried about her when she didn't pick up the phone-"pick up the f***ing phone and charge it you idiot!!"- but actually, you know she's asleep already;
you didn't know what to do when you've ruined something very important to her- you tell everyone about it and got answers like"oh she will not kill you/commit suicide for a ___…" and you know it's the truth, but you're worried that this may affect your friendship with her;
you feel like you're jealous whenever she went to talk with someone else, you feel like you're jealous whenever she walks away with someone else, you feel like you're jealous when she tells someone something that she didn't feel like telling you…you gets jealous so easily that you scare yourself;
you feel kinda happy when you found out that both of you got low marks for something;
you feel like strangling that person when she gives that person something that she didn't gave you, even when that person is your friend too and you know it's not right to feel like strangling her;
you feel like you cannot lose her. you cannot live if you lose her. you'll have nothing to long for the next morning when you catch the bus.
you feel like you're unimportant when she chooses something over you.
you feel like flying when she talks about absolutely rubbish things with you.
you feel guilty when she took something you said absent-mindedly seriously and was unhappy about it.
you feel like calling her for no reason because- well, because she has a fine voice, apparently.
you starts studying her favourite kind of culture for no reason -you're just interested in what she is interested in….
________
this list can go on and on because my feelings for you guys are so strong-believe me, i can go on with this list til the end of time.
"Thank you" may be the best word i can tell you guys.
i may not be there in the future, but believe me please,
for you know how much of an idiot i am.
